Felicia (not her real name) was born in 1961; her parents' first child. However, two brothers and a baby sister arrived by the time she was five. Her parents divorced when she was six.

Felicia said although she was "daddy's girl," her dad was an alcoholic and sometimes not very nice to her mom. Although her mother remarried, Felicia said she filed for divorce a week later, and found out she was pregnant.

Along with her mom and siblings, Felicia moved in with her grandparents when she was seven. She said, "My young teenage uncles going through puberty thought it was okay to take turns with me. My grandmother knew. She had even caught us and did nothing to protect me. She instead told me that my dad had done those things to me."

Felicia said she soon became the grown up of the house, taking care of her siblings. Tragically, when her mother went into labor and to the hospital, she was molested again. When her mother returned, Felicia learned that the baby had died.

Felicia said, "My mom went into a deep depression. We moved out of my grandparents (house), and into our own place. I called my dad. When mom found out we moved again - and again - every time I called him. I finally gave up ... My mom remarried when I was 16. Boy, did I let loose."

Felicia married when she was 18, and had her first child before she turned 19. When she was pregnant the second time, before she turned 20, one of her brothers died in a motorcycle accident. Her daughter was born one week later.

Felicia said she wouldn't let her daughter out of her sight. At age 24, her dad called and told her he was dying of cancer. Felicia immediately went to help him so, as she put it, he could die with dignity.

She said, "While taking care of him, memories flooded my mind. I remembered the abuse, and that it was my uncles and not my dad. Six hours before he passed, while in a semi-coma state, my dad told me not to blame my mom - that she only did what she was taught to do. I was shocked! How could he know? And if he did, why wasn't he mad, like I was?"

Felicia remembered thinking that her mom's family had robbed her of spending precious time with her dad. Moments later, Felicia said, her dad smiled at her and told her it was okay. Those were his last words.

She said, "I truly believe God spoke to me through my dad. I made peace with my mom and her family. I had my son when I was 28 and got a tubal ligation - while all this other stuff was going on. I realized I was in a lifeless, loveless, controlling marriage. I wanted out!"

Felicia's life got increasingly complex. She said when her son was three months old she received a call from her husbands's sister- in- law that they were in jail, and her three-year-old nephew was in the hospital. Felicia said she asked her where the three girls were. She told Felicia that she didn't know, but they were in protective custody. After many calls and trips to the hospital and police department, Felicia learned that her nieces were in three separate foster homes.

She also found out her nephew was a complete vegetable, and on life support, and that all the children had been physically and mentally abused.

Felicia said she began the process to obtain custody. She said, "Against everyone's advice ... I became my niece's foster mom within six weeks, and later adopted them. Their ages at the time were five months, 20 months and three years. My children were three months, eight years and 10 years. With all the therapy appointments, school, and everything (else and) ... being only 28 and instantly having six kids, I had no real time to work on my marriage; not that I really wanted to."

Felicia said she asked for a divorce several times and was told that if she did, her husband would take all the kids and she would never see them again. As a result, she stayed another 10 years. However, Felicia said, by her 21st anniversary, she'd had enough and filed for divorce. Her husband took five of their children. Her second oldest daughter stayed with her.

However, Felicia began to bounce back. She said by 2006, six years after her divorce, she owned a car and a house. Both of them were paid for. She was a supervisor for a big home renovation store working graveyards with a crew of 14.

Felicia's house was tastefully furnished and her garage was also full of tools. On the side, Felicia said, she also rehabbed distressed properties for real estate investors.

By this time, her 16-year-old son was back living with her, as well as her granddaughter. Her granddaughter stayed with her through her kindergarten year, going back to her mom in June.

Change was in the air. Felicia said she met Fred (not his real name) in May 2006, and he moved in with her a few months later. Felicia said when her daughter met Fred she said, "Finally, my mom met her dream guy."

At the same time, Felicia's daughter told her mom her husband had received orders from the Air Force, and they would be moving to England almost immediately.

Felicia said, "I was devastated. She was my best friend; my life. We had never been apart. She was also six months pregnant at the time."

Dec. 4 that year was a fateful day for Felicia. Fred woke her up and told her that her sister was on the phone with tragic news. Felicia learned that her daughter had died and they had been unable to save the baby. Her daughter was 25 years old, and eight months pregnant. She had died at the dinner table with her family right there. Her heart had just stopped unexpectedly.

Felicia said, "I was so very angry with God. I demanded He turn back the clock and take me instead - give her back to her children. I thought He wasn't listening to me. I tried to tell Him to go away, but He wouldn't. I could always feel His love upon me. I tried to return to work, and I couldn't. I felt so lost, I couldn't function."

As her nightmare began to fully unfold, Felicia said she wondered why Fred still stayed. She said, "Eighteen years younger than me ... I felt I had nothing to offer him; I was dead myself. But he was there, caring for me - which was hard because I was always the caregiver. One thing he didn't know is that while he was asleep, I was awake. I deprived myself of everything; sleep, food, happiness. Then (came) the suicide attempts -four- of them. Fred was there each time to stop me."

Felicia said Fred finally convinced her she needed help, and that she had something to live for. Felicia said she knew why God sent Fred to her. It was so she could get through the darkest hour of her life, and that she would not be alone.

Months went by before Felicia even thought about her mortgage and utilities. Then, her car was stolen and found totaled. The couple started having yard sales, selling off stuff so they could meet basic needs. Felicia said they lived like that for two years until they could no longer save the house.

In Sept. 2008, the couple packed what was left and moved to Sacramento with Felicia's oldest daughter. That lasted less than two weeks.

There's not a whole lot you can do with 26 dollars - their worldly wealth - so they bought a very small tent, one sleeping bag and headed for the river. Felicia said they lived there for two months, applying for general assistance and food stamps. That turned out to be one of the best things they could have done, Felicia said.

Felicia said while feeding the ducks on the river she heard a voice. The voice asked her if she was ready to know why her daughter had died.

Felicia said she was. The voice then told her that her daughter had died so others may be saved.

Felicia said she subsequently learned her daughter had died from "Mitral Valve Prolapse." Her mitral valve clamped shut causing her heart to stop. But, because of her death, Felicia said, researchers have now developed a simple operation to correct the mitral valve, saving lives - including her sister's, Felicia's oldest daughter.

So just what did happen on the river? Felicia said, "I have always been able to hear God's words. He just chooses the time, and it's usually when my judgement and mind are clear, and I am willing to hear what He has to say."

Felicia said she accepted God's decision, and thanked Him for allowing her daughter to become an angel to so many. After this experience, her smile started to return and she and Fred knew that it was time to head home. So Fred started collecting cans and bottles to recycle, and he earned enough for their return fare.

They arrived back in Albuquerque in mid-November - in freezing temperatures and snow. They slept in a friend's backyard, unbeknownst to anyone.

The next day, Felicia said, they came to Joy Junction. However, they were initially a little uneasy about staying with us and left, staying with friends but returning to the shelter a couple of weeks later. Fred joined Joy Junction's life recovery program, and Felicia went back to work. Six months later they left and bought another house. Things were looking up again for the couple.

Unfortunately, Felicia said, she hurt her back so severely she was taken off work and had to apply for disability. They decided to sell the house before losing it. Felicia said she spoke with one of our supervisors about returning to Joy Junction. "He just put his arms around me and welcomed me back," Felicia said.

Felicia is now on the CIPP program while Fred continues to work.

She said, "This has also been healing to me. I plan on finishing the program ... I have enjoyed every minute of it. I let (a staff member) know that although I've resolved a lot of my past I was still carrying it with me. By writing it down and handing it (in) in the form of homework I was getting rid of it, letting it go."

Felicia added that she is still going through the grieving process, but with hope in her heart. She said, "I know I will get through it easier because God gave me the reason. He completed a circle of life through my daughter for me and taught me what it is all about."

Lisa's Take

Joy Junction Assistant Resident Services Manager Woodward Lisa Woodward said Felicia and Fred have been a blessing to those at Joy Junction. She added that although they have encountered some difficulties, with their renewed faith, she believes they will conquer issues which have troubled them for a long time.

My Take

We love the dear folk who stay with us at Joy Junction. Some of them, like Felicia, have experienced horrendous circumstances and just need to experience God's love and grace as shown in Jesus Christ to help them get back on their feet again.

We're so glad we can be there for Felicia and Fred, and we're hoping that with your help and the Lord's faithfulness we will continue to be a resource for the hundreds of other Felicias and Freds who come to us looking for help.